The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 – The Final Nail in the Comical Coffin

So last Saturday I went to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Let me start by saying that I was under absolutely no delusions that it would be any good. Those delusions left me after the first film. That’s not say that I’m not well informed. Nothing annoys me more than people who pass judgement on a series or a trend without having seen it. I’m extremely well informed I’ve read all the books and seen all the films, so those people who would like to argue that I can’t pass judgement because I don’t know what I’m talking about. I do.

Why, you might ask, did I read all the books and see all the films if I don’t think the series is any good. All I can say is that the books are better than the films, the films have gotten progressively worse and I was young at the time I started being a fan. Like my love of massive amounts of chewing gum, it’s a habit that I can’t seem to break. So there I was in a Saturday session slightly ashamed but looking forward to the laughs that the films have continued to provide and let me tell you I wasn’t disappointed.

The one great comfort of Twilight films is that they are always entertaining, as the content gets worst the laughs increase. I nearly got kicked out of Eclipse I was laughing so hard. And I can say without restraint that The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 is the funniest of all the films. Of course this goes hand in hand with being the worst made film of the 5, which given it’s hideous predecessors is a big win. I mean for gods sakes it was up against New Moon, which combined the ridiculous chest and acting of Taylor Lautner and the moral hilarity of the message “if your boyfriend leaves town, try to put yourself in as much danger as possible until he comes back to you”. What a great example for young girls, I mean this film was almost an advertisement for the positive outcomes of suicidal behavior. And yet The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 was better.

First there was Kirsten Stewart’s terrible acting. Sure her acting in the previous films was bad but a least in the previous films her weak as water, stare off into the distance, heavy breathing persona worked for her weak as water character. In this film she is supposed to be a strong, empowered vampire. Lets just say that watching Kirsten Stewart be strong, is an extremely uncomfortable experience, like watching a pig and goat make love, or Tom Cruise jump on a couch. It just feels unnatural.

Then there is the sex between Bella and Edward. This romance has become so sickly sweet and with so much gratuitous nudity, that all sex appeal has completely exited the picture. Plus Robert Pattinson’s chest is so concave and Ethiopian that seeing him shirtless makes my stomach turn. Seeing these two slobber on each other lost it’s impact way back in New Moon. Having a couple get together with no purpose just so the audience can watch, seems a little perverted. Even for me.

Then there is the nail in the coffin, the final hilarious moment that seems so terrible you wonder if you’ve accidentally stumbled into a Twilight parody by mistake. At the end of the film there is an awesome action sequence, a sequence full of violence and consequences. People die, important people and suddenly your wondering. Is this what it was like in the book, I can’t remember, maybe I was wrong about this series. Maybe I was wrong about Stephanie Meyer. I thought she was an author who didn’t understand consequences, who didn’t want to make any substantial decisions, who was afraid of her readers. But maybe I was wrong.

And then just as suddenly the world snaps back into focus and Alice declares that everything we have just seen was a vision. A scary vision but just a vision and now that the bad guy knows what’s going to happen he decides to go home. Yes he just gets up and walks away. No one dies, there are no consequences, just a lame happy ending. I wanted to throw my shoe at the screen. But then I decided I liked my show too much. Yes it was the ending that spits in the face of all other endings, the it was all just a dream ending, the laziest most unsatisfying ending ever.

No I wasn’t wrong this series is bad, a badly written series, that sets a bad example for young girls everywhere. But only if you take it seriously otherwise it’s one of the funniest films I’ve seen all year.

Elementary: My Dear Watson, A Facinating New Sherlock Holmes

Well continuing on from my theme of new shows from the US pilot season, I have discovered another that I think is well worth a look. Elementary is another in the growing stock of modern day adaptations of Sherlock Holmes. Now this definitely put me off at first especially considering how much I love the BBC series Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch and the brilliant writing of Steven Moffat. But this Sherlock has a lot to offer too.

Written and Executive Produced by Robert Doherty who was a consulting producer and writer on shows like Dark Angel, Tru Calling, Meduim and the short lived series Ringer. This guy knows complex crime like the back of his hand and it really shows. The stories are original, unexpected and full of twists and turns. An early episode about a kid kidnapper is particularly brilliant.

This Sherlock is quite a bit sexier than Benedict’s almost asexual Sherlock Holmes and is perhaps a little bit more socially aware. The character is also a drug addict which is something that the Robert Downey Jr’s Sherlock touched on but didn’t really get to the meat of. Though to be fair this is a harder task given the medium of film and the period setting. This show has the time to explore the character of Sherlock as played by the tasty Johnny Lee Miller as a addict more fully. They have already rewritten some of the mythology to make the death of Irene Adler the reason Sherlock hit rock bottom and was sent to rehab. Sherlock’s relationship his father has also been touched upon and I for one can’t wait to see more, the pacing of this show is spot on.

Also the change of Watson from a male former army doctor to a female disgraced former doctor introduces an intriguing new element to the Watson and Holmes relationship, a sexual tension. This sexual tension is not overdone however and is more akin to the sexual tension between Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon not Richard Castle and Kate Beckett. Which gives the series a little driving force but is not enough to make the purists feel it’s in bad taste.  Also having Watson be a sober companion is also very useful in that it gives the character motive to want to delve further into Holmes’s past and discover more about him as we the audience do the same. The only problem with Watson  in this role is that she is only supposed to stick around for 6 weeks which means her role will need to redefined very soon. Especially since CBS just confirmed a 24 episode order.

This show is doing well in the USA and is one of the early winners from the new US ratings session. This in itself is a massive achievement since very few new shows are doing well this year. If I was to compare to anything other than the previous versions, I would say it has quite a few similarities to The Mentalist. This is a compliment since I love The Mentalist.  Sherlock is a brilliant consultant for the New York Police Department, with a beautiful but reluctant partner is Watson and dark and troubling past. In fact the only thing that’s missing from the comparison to the Mentalist is a nemesis like Red John. Hopefully they’ll bring Moriarty in soon.

0.BRIGHT

This is a video I made for my pal Phoebe. It’s been a long time in the making!